Helldesk Voicemail Simulator

All of our techicians are currently busy helping lusers even more clueless than yourself. We apologize for the delay. Due to an unforseeable staffing crisis we only have one person answering the phone. The others are either drunk, on psychiatric leave, off pursuing others like yourself with sharp and dangerous LARTs, or have commited suicide. Or any combination of the above. You can help prevent our remaining tech from doing the same by taking the following steps:

1. Write down any error messages you have received, word for word.
2. Reboot your computer if you have not already done so.
3. Calm down. If you need to cuss, do it now. Abusing the tech will get you nowhere.

A technician is now available. In order to allow him time to close the previous problem and prepare for your call, there will be 20-second delay before you are connected. During that delay we will play soothing background music. The technician will need to know the speed of your network connection.

• If you are connecting over a LAN, press 1.
• If you are connecting over a 33.6kbps or faster modem, press 2.
• If you are connecting over a 28.8kbps or slower modem, press 3.