I've been bugging my PHB to replace our voice mail system with something like this.
Welcome to the helldesk. Before proceeding, please ensure that your computer is plugged in and turned on. Also check to make sure that you have all necessary disks and documentation, including a complete list of your computer's specifications, on hand. Also eliminate all distractions and make sure that you are not under the influence of alcohol or drugs. If you cannot achieve these conditions, please hang up and try again when you are able.
If you are ready to proceed, press 1.